Relationships = Hard Work

As the top of this blog clearly states, I am no expert. That being said, I'm still going to offer up my two cents.

Relationships take hard work. We've all heard this before. But I would like to say that this idea has got a lot of people very confused. Confused and stuck.

So many people stay in toxic relationships because they think by walking away they're failing. By walking away they are giving up without putting in the "work" to make it successful. I have seen some people very close to me stay in "relationships" trying to make things work because they thought that's what they were supposed to do. Work. They ignored the fact that the other person did not share the same dedication and respect towards the success of the relationship.

Thanks to TV and "romantic" comedies, people have this image of what valuable relationships should look like. Relationships worth anything mean fighting; they guarantee breakdowns and meltdowns and lots of tears. We're told that relationships mean having to sacrifice and work hard. It's good to lose your own identity in the other person to become "one". Say goodbye to your hobbies, friends, career, (and in the case of most romantic comedies) your very nicely decorated apartment. We see that sacrificing your own happiness for the success of a "relationship" is not only a step in the right direction, it's the only step.

The reality is this: relationships are like a conversation, both people have to participate otherwise it's just a lecture. There needs to be investment on both sides. The beauty in that is, when both people are truly invested, the "work" is not difficult. It's enjoyable. It fuels you to continue. All good relationships are good because both people are willing to go above and beyond for the other. In the midst of the guaranteed breakdowns and meltdowns and lots of tears, the great people that you "work" to keep in your life will be right there next to you with hugs, pizza and alcohol if need be. When that is the foundation, there are no hurdles to jump over and the work doesn't actually feel like work. When that is the foundation we fall into a beautiful cycle. Relationships allow us to thrive, grow, strengthen and push ourselves. Solid relationships free us to discover our true selves and the selves of others. When that happens we're able to fall deeper in love with ourselves and those we surround ourselves with.