I recently read this article and while I can definitely relate to some of what the author is saying, I call bullshit. Yes it’s true, being a stay at home parent is exhausting but the authors plea to be allowed to explain and apologies for not having a clean house and food ready are bullshit. Let me explain…
Most people know that being a stay at home parent takes work. Several people say “I couldn’t do it.” Yet, somehow stay at home parents seem to think they have to take on all responsibilities in order to seem like they’re doing enough. This is where I call bullshit. All I have to say is, employed partners, STEP IT UP!
The author says “we get tired of balancing all of the spinning plates and have to let some of them fall in survival mode” and “It’s hard on a mama’s soul to work so hard providing a happy home and feel like a failure at the very same time.” The truth of those statements is extremely real. She also says she can “understand why someone [in this case her husband] walking in the door might let out a big sigh or even rage-clean.” Excuse me but, if you are an employed partner and come home and let out those sighs or have the audacity to clean out of rage then you need to check yourself. That behavior is not supportive, encouraging or appreciated. Hey employed partners, have you ever had a day when you didn’t get all your work assignments done? Have you ever left a project to be completed for another day? Have you ever felt drained at the end of the day only to look back on your work day and feel like you have nothing to show for it? Have you had days or even months where you didn’t meet your performance goals? I’m certain that you have. Stay at home parents have those days too! They shouldn’t have to write blogs begging for permission to explain why that is! Stay at home parents work their butts off all day. In several cases they work all night too because they don’t have to “go to work” in the morning.
Employed partners, you may think it’s just a sigh, but, as the author says “Depression and stress are very real dangers of stay-at-home parenthood.” As you can probably guess, working non-stop on little sleep can take a major toll on a person. Instead of sighing and complaining that things aren’t done stop, take a moment to reflect and instead respond with love and gratitude. Say thank you for the things that are done. Appreciate the work that your partner has done.
My initial response to the article, which was titled What I’d Like to Tell My Husband, Who Comes Home to a Messy House at Night, was “and then say ‘get with the times and cook dinner for me!” Some may take that as a joke but I fully mean it! I saw other responses saying they had these same conversations with their husbands decades ago. I’ve heard people express these sentiments of frustration and exhaustion over and over. I'm baffled that the belief that being employed somehow makes a person exempt from taking on additional tasks. If this is your situation please take time to have a conversation with your partner about role expectations. Communicate!
Stay at home parents shouldn’t feel guilty for not getting it “all” done. It shouldn’t be on them alone to do everything. Stay at home parents shouldn’t feel guilty for asking their employed partners to do more. It’s a partnership! They shouldn't have to say, “I’m so sorry dinner isn’t ready and the house is dirty, please allow me to explain.”
